Aggression

“aggression, far from being the diabolical, destructive principle that classical psychoanalysis makes it out to be, is really an essential part of the life-preserving organisation of instincts.”

Konrad Lorenz

So little is know about the real purpose of aggression that it’s no wonder people struggle with the idea. Most of the time you will hear people talking about how therapeutic it is to let out all their aggression on the pads or in the ring. For me, there is a certain satisfaction about doing work and improving through this kind of exercise. However, the sense of satisfaction you gain is not simply a void created by an absence of drive. It is a realisation that I’ve used the drive as a raw material to create something: A new skill, idea, or concept. In this way you can convert the useless feeling of undirected energy into a useful product.

This is the whole point of training: The instincts never do anything right if left to their own devices, so put them to work. There is no reason to eliminate or suppress them. By working with your instinctive aggressive drive to create ways of overcoming problems, you will put aggression to work constructively. This work demands intelligence, creativity, and direction. People who practice martial arts understand this idea of channeling energy and see for themselves that this is the essence of fighting. However, as soon as they leave the gym they often go off an treat life as something totally different, as if subject to different laws. They will get bullied by their boss, their friends… Whoever. And then they think to themselves “I need to go off and release my aggression on the heaveybag!”. This way of looking at aggression is extremally limited. What’s the point in learning something if you just contradict it in everyday life?

Often individuals direct their aggression towards other people. For example in a heated argument people often blurt out all kinds of nasty comments. They think they feel better having vented the anger in them. They feel strong and confident! But as soon as they have seen how counter productive this is they feel a certain regret. This is perfectly natural, because they have wasted a resource and directed it in a counterproductive way. Instead, try to direct it dynamically in your behaviour, for example by asserting yourself vibrantly in everything you do.

In fact why not direct aggression towards driving out the negative attitude in others? Very often if you go the right way about it, you can gain the respect and even admiration of your antagonist, which is well within your interest to learn how to do. If someone does you wrong, remind yourself how ignorant and helpless that person must be to waste their time and energy on trivial disputes, and that they deserve to be pitied. Help them understand this by putting them down subtly. This requires hard work to master and is a worthy use of your energy in itself.

Obviously, when someone is insulting you or attempting to drag your name through the dirt this is no time for gentleness. It’s time to show them how strong you are in your whole demeanour and expression, by directing your willpower towards this display. Just as you would in a ring or defending yourself in a live exercise. What you have to understand is that all martial arts behavior can be applied elsewhere. Don’t put up with things passively by submitting.

Just having the right attitude and determination can make a potential antagonist powerless before he can get close enough to do any harm. Most of the time this is all you need, because they will sense that you are superior to them, since they have nothing to do than to bring others down around them. But how many people really think about this?I’m not saying go around arrogantly asserting yourself, on the contrary this just shows to the someone in the know how vulnerable you really are.

The next time someone tries to annoy you try this simple exercise. Ask yourself whether there is anything to gain from arguing back, or whether you would be better off using the feeling of heated energy stimulated in you, or aggression, to put on a disinterested display of tolerance. By disinterested I don’t mean apathy, just act impersonally by refusing to lower yourself to the level of personal hostility. Because this isn’t the real battleground, it’s a smokescreen. In other words battle your own weakness and susceptibility to win the fight indirectly. And there is no shortage of opportunities for this, no matter how good and in control you think you are!

All aggressive behavior aimlessly directed at others is symbolic of a dissatisfaction within the antagonist. Perhaps this is the only means of direction they have. Poor them. It shouldn’t be taken personally, because it is natural for people to get riled up and act aggressively. That is, in the absence of anything better to do. An antagonist often lacks of control over their actions which they betray through hostility and negativity towards others. Why else would they be focusing their energies, their resources, on pointless battles? What needs explaining is how to overcome and move beyond these primitive reactions seen in so many so called tough guys. My advice is to just make sure through your own conduct that you don’t provoke hostility, just act to limit its adverse effects on you.

This is not the same as “letting someone get one over on you” or simply doing nothing like a cat caught in the headlights. No, instead you have produced something from the aggressive force generated in you, rather than letting it overwhelm you by ignoring its reality. It is entirely up to you how you direct the stimulus provoked by hostility. And the more highly attuned to your surroundings you are the more likely you are to pick the cues up. In other words the most alert and powerful individuals have the most frequent needs of directing their energies wisely. And people say they have it easy, and ask how do they stay so calm? If only they knew the work that goes into such apparent calmness and natural suavity.

Alternatively, you could try going off and using this energy to go for a walk or perhaps doing some exercise. But don’t let it go to waste. And never let feeling of defeat and weakness linger on without action, because then it will have a chance to eat away at you.

Often you will have to argue your corner to avoid being bullied, or to simply demonstrate that you are not going to be walked over. And if you have to do that I recommended exerting yourself in the following way:

After deciding that you have no choice but to make a stand to put an end to the unfairness of the situation, explain the impact your antagonist is having on you. Then explain what you would like to be done about it and what you think. Very often this will be enough to put them off a confrontation again. However, if you inspire bitterness in them by carrying on arrogantly and making demands on them, expect to never see the end of it. Make every effort to spare the embaressment of the other person so they don’t come back and bite you at a later date when you least expect it. Because that’s what they will have every right to do if you have inspired such feelings in them.

You must defend yourself but often not by the same primitive means many people use. Instead use intelligence to direct primitive drives. Most of the time your opponent will be so surprised by their lack of impact and control over you that they will simply have no choice but to move on. They’ll pick someone weaker and less determined if they even suspect it might be a 50/50 fight. Above all, martial arts practice isn’t just the raw expression of aggression. It must be intelligently managed by aggression and directed wisely. Obviously this doesn’t mean you will be totally devoid of emotion during an exchange. However, the thing to do is to put your aggressive drive to work intelligently and often so that you encourage the interaction between it and intelligent practice. The more you do this in everyday life, the more likely it will work with you when it counts.